How to tell someone you’re attracted to them
Have you ever held back from telling someone that you’re attracted to them? Cos you just didn't want to make things weird …or awkward… or WORSE - offend them? 🫣🫢😩
What if they don’t feel the same way? What if they never look at you the same way again???
I consider myself pretty good at sharing vulnerable things in a casual way SOOO: I’d like to share my two cents on how to tell someone you’re attracted to them - in a way that makes it feel light & easy to receive (whether or not the person feels the same way!). Yes. 😎🫦 Cos life's too short to hold back.
1️⃣ So number 1: your tone & delivery MATTERS
Take a moment to consider how you FEEL towards the fact that you like this person?
#1: Are you embarrassed, apologetic, fearful?
#2: Or do you feel ALIVE by this feeling? Like a kid that wants to go to Disney?
If it’s the first one, see if you can touch your joy around this attraction. After all, this desire is so PURE. I personally find that having a crush fills me with giddiness and a goofy grin. It doesn’t need justification or apology.
Why is this important? Well, it changes how you DELIVER your message.
This is what your body & tone will communicate underneath your words, based on if you're feeling #1 or #2:
#1: “F*ck I hope that isn’t awkward. I’ll be soul crushed if you don’t feel the same way”.
#2: “Oooh I’m excited by the fact that I feel attracted to you!”
And which do you think is easier to receive? ;)
#1 The first version feels like you’re apologising for your existence & pre-empting rejection…… which is awkward to receive because nobody wants to be responsible for that.
#2 -The second version makes it a lot easier for a person to feel flattered and celebrate your desire WITH you.
So. Shift the way you RELATE to (and CELEBRATE) your desire …. like that excited kid who is psyched for Disney. And watch how the transmission of your desire CHANGES.
2️⃣ Make it easy for them to not feel the same way
Ok, so let’s say you delivery your message with joy. (WOO!!) Now what?
a) You could just stop there …simply share you're attracted to them and STOP. Stop babbling. Just feel into your ‘excited Disney kid’. And let them bask in your sweet admission. OR
b) If you’re worried about their response, you could pre-empt that by welcoming any reaction. “I welcome you not feeling the same way, it just feels good/honest to share!” OR “Just so you know - I don’t have any expectations for you to feel the same”.
3️⃣ Share with zero expectation:
This is similar to 2(b) above …. Remind yourself (and remind them): they don’t need to do anything with this information. There’s no action or pressure to follow this up with reciprocity …. or a date! Let’s be honest - the first thing your nerves need is to feel safe. You really want to be welcomed first, and met with a simple “thank you for being real with me! I love that. I think it's so cool you could tell me”.
4️⃣ Find your own language around it
You don’t have to say the words: “I’m attracted to you”. You can also be more subtle:
❤️🔥 I dig you.
❤️🔥 I like you.
❤️🔥 I like how I feel around you. I feel like a giddy teenager!
❤️🔥 I’m not gonna lie, I feel kinda hot for you!
❤️🔥 I find [your XXX behaviour] so sexy about you!
❤️🔥 Can I name an elephant in the room here? I’m totally attracted to you!
❤️🔥 I feel so alive & attracted to your energy
❤️🔥 Can I share something a little vulnerable here? [pause] I'm crushing on you. It feels edgy to say!
❤️🔥 I love how seen I feel with you!
5️⃣ Have an answer ready if they don’t feel the same way:
🙏🏼 It feels precious to get to share this with you
🙏🏼 I’m relieved I got to share with you
🙏🏼 Thank you for making it feel easy to share with you
🙏🏼 How does it feel for you that I’ve shared this? Does it affect how you feel in our connection?
🙏🏼 I’d love you to know that no matter how you feel, I love our friendship! It felt honest to share with you :)
…something like that!
HOPE THAT HELPS! 🤓🤓
I love geeking on this stuff. If you're navigating intimacy, dating, or poly life - and want support to feel more unashamedly you, let's chat 🖤
Haneen x
